Mental Health and The F-ing Holidays

Ugh, The Holiday Season. Time for everyone to start wishing each other happiness and posting cheerful family pictures. If that’s you… ok well, let’s face it. If that’s you, AND you really are that happy with everyone you’re related to, you’re probably not reading a mental health blog. For the rest of us, it can be a stressful time.

There are things I like about Thanksgiving. I like pie. And genocide. No, wait. I really just like pie. Wait, I also like corn and squash! One year I forced my family to only eat foods that are native to this continent. I was THAT teenager, which should surprise no one. Maybe we’ll have enchiladas this year. That’s something to look forward to!

Here are some ideas for coping with holiday season stress.

Know what boundaries are important during holiday stress.

Maybe you just had your first or eighth pregnancy loss and need to not see people with kids. Maybe you’re newly sober and worried other people’s alcohol intake will be a trigger. Maybe being misgendered one thousand times will well and truly break your heart. Whatever it is, know that not being around people who make you feel terrible is completely legitimate.

Maybe you arrange a separate dinner with people who won’t cause you pain. Or you make it clear you can only come over if it’s a dry event. You can get creative. But if people can’t honor your needs, it’s also okay to not go.

Know what nourishes you.

Do you need to go to bed early? Time to sleep in?

Do you need to exercise or have alone time?

Do you need to talk to a friend on the phone who cheers you up? Or listen to your favorite music? Or to wear your ridiculous SAD lamp visor?

What are the things that give you energy and make you feel resilient?

And actually do it.

It can be really uncomfortable to meet your own needs when it feels rude. Sometimes others tell us directly or indirectly that we’re selfish. Sometimes we’ve been so well trained not to take care of ourselves that no one has to say anything.

For some of us, we can be told that our culture doesn’t support individual needs. But what is the health of a group made up of cranky individuals? If we support each other to be healthy, we support the collective.

You need what you need. Often we can take care of ourselves as well as the people around us when we talk about it openly. But if the people around us haven’t done enough therapy to discuss their needs and ours, then… you do you.

Give yourself an extra day to recover from family holiday time.

If you have the time, plan a day to take care of yourself when it’s over. If you don’t have a day, plan 15 minutes. Or take three deep breaths. Make it a point to arrive consciously back in your life.

Remember you’re not alone in feeling alone.

Lots and lots and lots of people are feeling anything from stress to dread around now. They just aren’t saying anything. Maybe ask the people around you how they feel about this time of year? You could get some interesting answers.

Take a social media holiday during the holidays.

Or curate your feed very specifically to only show you stuff that actually adds joy and value to your life. There are studies that show it’s not the size of your social media, but how you use it that makes you happy or sad. Uh huh, I just did that.

Take your mental health meds.

Yes, feeling your feelings is important. And yes, you should use your coping skills. But there’s nothing like holidays or occasions to make a nervous system go from zero to a million in under a second. Mental health medications can help slow your responses so you have time to make a healthy choice. It gives you a chance to take a deep breath and respond clearly and thoughtfully to the situation at hand.

The point is not to paper over your feelings. But when your head feels like a rocket ship, it’s basically impossible to make decisions that will feel good in the long run. So if you’ve been prescribed medication to take your nervous system down a notch as needed, this would be the time to take it for a whirl.

If all else fails, remember that the holiday season ends.

It can be hard to remember when every day feels like walking through molasses, but this time of year is transient. Hang in there.